sixth sense?

Years ago I had a similar experience. I was 19 years old and sitting at home late at night while my younger sister was out having fun, classic. A feeling came over me and I began to worry about her, something inside me just felt like she wasn’t ok. Moments later the phone rings and as my mom answers I ask “What’s wrong with Lis?” Sadly I was right, something was wrong. Lis had gotten in a bad car accident. Luckily everyone would be ok after some doctor visits and surgeries.

Last night it happened again. I was reading “The Namesake” and just got to a part that I desperately needed a break from. I put the book down and took some time to reminisce about my grandfather. He’s really ill and when I left for the Peace Corps I realized it might be the last time I see him but more recently it’s become the sad reality. Lately, he has been on my mind a lot as his condition worsens while waiting to leave this world. As I was thinking about times I’ve spent with my grandparents I begin to think about actually going home and not seeing him there. The next time I visit my grandfather it will be at his gravesite. One of these days this week will not only be either my mom’s birthday or my sister-in-law’s birthday but will also mark the grandfather’s last day. Why blog about this sadness, well, it’s part of my experience here and part of my life. It was just too much to deal with at the moment so I decided to write about it. During my 30 minutes of remembering silly times with my grandpa my heart stopped and I just knew the phone was going to ring. I got up and walked to my phone and just then it rang. I answered knowing it was my mom and listened as she told me my grandpa was in a permanent sleep, we will never wake up again. The culmination of the last hour kinda hit me, I hung up on my mom (oops) and just took a minute to embrace what was happening. I’m not an emotional person normally so I took a minute, cried, and then tried to comprehend that life as I knew it would never really be the same again. It is apart of life and it’s not like he was taken unexpectedly, or that we haven’t had enough time to prepare but being the first close family member that I will loose I’m still unsure on how to deal with it and how to grasp the idea of the future without him in it. I can’t be too sad, he was in pain and he is on his way home, something he longed for in his last days. I’m just heartbroken that I wasn’t there, I couldn’t see him one last time, couldn’t hug him or joke with him. He is in a better place I know, but how do you say goodbye, especially if you aren’t physically there to say it and how on Earth am I suppose to go on with my mundane activities with all this baring down on me? I understand you just do and I will but that really just makes me sick to think about. Sorry for the depressing and odd ramblings of my life, I’ll try to be a little different in future entries. Other than issues back home, life here is fine.

oh yes I did....my bad

This Saturday was well a lazy day. Yes, I did not leave my bed for the majority of the day, ate a box of Choc-kits, half a medium bag of Nik-Naks and a variety of other junk foods. Really the day is over since it’s pitch black at night and I have nothing to show for it except watching season 1 of Heros and season 2 of The Office, fabulous!!!!

Oops, Sunday I did the exact same thing except I watched seasons 4,5 & 6 of Scrubs…wow, this is getting ridiculous. Thank God it’s Monday and I can at least go to work for 8ish hours of the day.

Camp G.L.O.W.

So once a year Peace Corps Namibia puts on a leadership camp for boys and girls grades 8-10 in Windhoek. Camp G.L.O.W. (Guys and Girls Leading Our World) brings around 75 learners from all over Namibia who have been identified as someone who is a leader or stands out or maybe has the potential to excel with the right direction. The learners are not the only one’s who benefit, 16 older Namibians (youth ages 19-35ish) are chosen to volunteer as facilitators (after training) to help guide the learners, watch over them and serve as a positive role model for the learners. You see Camp GLOW is trying to focus more on Namibians helping each other and the facilitators are the key to that process. The facilitators are chosen because they are leaders in their communities. I had the opportunity to go and observe this year’s camp in hopes to get some understanding of what running a camp actually takes or entails. First WOW, Nam26 in my opinion really did a great job, but it wasn’t easy. I think it’s Murphy’s Law that says something like “anything that can go wrong, will”…unfortunately this year’s Camp GLOW really lived up to that message, but despite all the things going wrong the learners had an awesome time and I think they really gained a lot from being there.
Although I was there to “observe” I was put to work immediately when a transportation crisis’ left learners and PCVs hours and hours away from Windhoek. Me and the other 27ers were assigned little jobs just to take some of the stress off the 26ers, I mean they had a lot to deal with it. After a day the 26ers decided that someone needed to fill the spot of a facilitator who couldn’t make it. Since I had already spent so much time with that group and had nothing serious to do in Outjo I decided to stay for the entire week and become a facilitator, which I must say was such an amazing experience.
Throughout the eight days I really got to bond with my 8 learners. During the different days I got to see a different learner excel. Each day has a different theme like “Team Building Day”, “HIV/ADIS Day”, “Leadership Day”, “Future Day” etc. It would be too much to write about the entire week but here are some highlights of my week through just a few of my amazing group members…

“B” is a learner who didn’t speak much, actually much may be an overstatement. She sat quietly for like five days just following what everyone else was doing. On “Leadership Day” one of the activities was to practice good public speaking, it took some silliness on my part but I got her to start making some noise. By the end of the exercise I was almost in tears as she read her speech with such confidence, so loud, with eye contact to each member, oh my gosh I wish I could paint a picture of this four foot mute stating her dreams and aspirations to our entire group, it was beautiful. As if I wasn’t proud enough after that during that talent show on the last day she was one of the main actors and really just did it with all she had, aw, wonderful. I sat in the back of the theatre room just amazed at what I was watching, it was as if she had finally got comfortable with the group and the camp and just broke out of her shell.

“Mr. President” is brilliant. I mean really he is so smart. Anytime any speaker or presenter asked a question he had the answer. When asked what his dreams were he said that he “wanted to become a doctor, find the cure for AIDS and then retire as the President of Namibia” something in the way he said it and after getting to know him and knowing his potential…I believe it. “Mr. President” really shined in his leadership abilities, he is a natural and leading our group just seemed like what he was born to do. I really hope he follows through with the plans he has for his school and community, something tells me he will.

“The Wizard” is another really quite one who just kinda went along with the group but on “Leadership Day” things totally changed. During a blindfolded obstacle course she masterfully guided half the group safely through the course all at once. It was awesome. After that day she had a new power that was just really cool to see develop.

“Somebody”. Anyone with facebook knows that all my status updates last week were about “Somebody”, well this is him. Somebody is a grade 8 learner from a village sort of near me. On the first day of camp the learners had to decorate a t-shirt using words that described them. This learner kept writing NB all over his t-shirt. He told me it was a nickname his teachers at school gave him and now everyone calls him NB. Later Jill found out what NB stood for because he wouldn’t tell me. NB is short for Nobody. What kind of teacher says something like that to a child, let alone repeat enough times so it sticks with them? My heart broke as I thought of this child thinking he was actually nobody before his life really starts. I decided this was not only unacceptable but I wasn’t going to encourage it by repeating that name. Starting that day he began to go by SB or Somebody. It was really cute if anyone said “I need somebody to help with this” SB would walk forward and state “I’m Somebody.” The best part of it was that on the last day when the learners were suppose to add things to their t-shirts that they had learned about themselves over the week Somebody changed all the NBs to SBs and wrote SOMEBODY all over it. Out of all the villages in Namibia, he probably comes from one of the worst so I worry about him but luckily he is close enough to me that I can go visit and check up on him.

These are just some of the stories from my group and there were seven other groups so just imagine how camp had changed some learners. Having professional Namibians come and speak to them about careers really made these learners think of all they can do. After a career panel where an accountant and geologist really sold their jobs half the learners wanted to go to university to be come one of the those two exciting careers. Gaza (the biggest music star in Namibia) comes from a really bad background much like a lot of the learners but has made something of himself and continues to work on changing Namibia. When he spoke to the learners it was one hilarious to see them go nuts that they actually were face to face with their icon but to have that icon encourage them to follow their dreams and not to get mixed up in drugs, alcohol and sex…probably one of the best motivators for them of the week. The week was filled with these moments that really made me so grateful for the opportunity I had to participate this year and help plan next year’s camp. It was the hardest week that I have had here, I worked 6am-11pm straight, always on, but it was also the most rewarding week. I feel so blessed for this past week.

I LOVE NAMIBIA!!!

Dear Semi Truck Driver,

Thank you so much for searching Outjo for the only American and returning my sandals to me. You made my day. You ROCK!

So Grateful,
DAR

reality bites

I was watching Garden State last night and one line from the movie really hit home for me..."I'm homesick for a home that not longer exists." That is exactly how I feel. As I am sitting here typing my grandfather is slowly dying. As I went to sleep last night I had visions of moments with him. It makes me miss home, makes me miss him. Although I have come to terms with the fact that I will never see him again (I'm not being morbid, it's a fact) I still cannot imagine home without him. My grandparents have lived around the corner from my since I was in fourth grade, they have been very much apart of my life for as much of it as I can really remember. The idea of returning to America, returning home without him there makes me ill. At times when I think of home and start to miss it my mind always tells myself that my version of home will no longer be there. It's not like missing something knowing that you'll get it again, I'm missing something that I can never get back. When I am done with my 27 month service my home will be lost forever, I will return to a different America, a different California, a different life. Sometimes that's too much to deal with. I really just don't know how I will ever be able to be home without him.

speical times in Namibia

Dear Semi-Truck driver somewhere in the Kunene Region,

You have no idea the value of the treasure in your cab. You have one of my reef sandals and one of my chacos (without backs) basically you have one of each of my favorite sandals. I hope you enjoy their presence as much as I would.

Thanks for the ride though,
Dar


Dear Inventor of the Cholera Cot,

You are a genus. It may just be the best invention ever. Although I have not had Cholera a recent case of explosive/runny diarrhea (thanks Namibia) has really allowed me to appreciate the concept of the cholera bed and gosh I really wish I had one. If you could make one portable so I could travel with it that would be even better. This may be too much information but anyone who has experienced a similar situation will understand, it ain’t fun. If you have any extra beds send them my way.

Impressed,
Dar


Dear Feet,

Why does something always have to be wrong with you? I need you, how can I make things right? When can we be up and running again, I hate these cracks between us ; )

In pain,
Dar

of course in Namibia

Today was hilarious and it's hard to explain the randomness of it all but I was fortunate enough to get a free ride from Windhoek back to my site by an Angolan priest working in the region. For the 3.5 hour car ride I was attempting to understand Porteguese (sorry can't spell this evening, nor do I care to spell check) with whatever Spanish I know and tried to communicate with the passengers using my horrible Spanish skills. I mean forget learning Damara or Afrikaans, today the only language I needed was one that actually isn't one of the the 10 or so spoken here. Oh and I must say Angolan music really puts Damara hymns to shame, the are fabulous.